The wait wasn't long, but somehow those few minutes always seem like hours. The anticipation of finding out our "grade" had me nervous and fidgety. While, in true Charlotte fashion, she just sat and played her DS without letting any of this ruffle her feathers.
As we sat waiting I overheard the nurse report Charlotte's A1c to Dr. P.
|(This is what my reaction probably looked like)|
What??? No way! That was not the number I was hoping for...not even what I thought it might be based on her numbers from the meter download. My heart sank and disappointment set in. I felt defeated...all our hard work was not reflected in this ugly number.
A few minutes later Dr. P came in and shared the news...he seemed fine with the number and offered some reassurance. I'm sure he could read the disappointment all over my face. He tried his best to make me feel better about the number...but I was still disappointed. We reviewed Charlotte's growth chart and he showed me how she has consistently tracked right on course. He talked with me about how just 10 years ago he would have been concerned about her having too many lows with her current A1c. We went through her blood glucose logs and made a few tweaks...more aggressive with her morning insulin:carb ratio and toned down her overnight basal rate. I shared with him that Charlotte seems a little reluctant to return to camp this summer and he talked with her about how her friends that she met last summer might miss her if she doesn't go back...I'm hopeful that she'll come around on this! All in all, while it wasn't necessarily our best appointment, it was productive.
Charlotte and I talked the whole way home. I knew she could tell that I was disappointed. So I made sure to let her know that I was disappointed with the A1c, but absolutely not upset or disappointed in her. I told her that I am proud of her for becoming more independent and involved with her care over the past few months. And I explained that sometimes things aren't going to go how we want them to despite all our best efforts...and that sometimes D is just unpredictable. I let her know that sometimes we will get knocked down...but when this happens we get back up again. And most importantly, I told her that I love her more than she can imagine...no matter what her number is!
I'm trying hard to get over my disappointment. But I'm having a hard time with it because I feel like in some ways I've failed my little girl. I know that the higher her number, the higher her risk for complications later on in life. She's been battling this for just over 5 years now and she has many, many more years ahead of her....so I want to make sure that we do the very best we can to keep her as healthy as possible!
I'm hoping that in the next few weeks we can get Charlotte started on a Dexcom trial. With this new tool in our pocket we'll be able to see what's going on between her checks...and we'll be able to be a little more aggresive and really fine-tune her basals.
Charlotte and I have decided that we're going to kick D in the behind! We're determined! We may have been knocked down on Thursday, but we weren't out for long! I've got our "game plan" in place...and we're moving forward!